1. Law And Order
2. Mariska Hargitay

In season 18, NBC’s Law & Order SVU follows the life and crimes of the Special Victims Unit of the New York City Police Department, an elite squad of detectives who investigate sexually based. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (often abbreviated to Law & Order: SVU or just SVU) is an American crime drama television series created by Dick Wolf for NBC. It stars Mariska Hargitay as Olivia Benson, the lead detective of the Special Victims Unit located in a fictionalized version of the New York City Police Department.

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit- Special Featuring detective Amanda Rollins

Gamblers Anonymous

Murf The Surf's Pub 1717 2nd Avenue

Hit me… Hit me… Hit me.

Amanda was sitting at the bar table at Surf's Pub. She was having a glass of beer and gambling. She was playing a game of cards and would beat every time. Hit me. She would say again.

SVU station.

'Hey, Amanda, you're late.' Fin said as she walked in taking a seat at her desk.

'Had a rough night last night.' She told Fin while signing into her computer.

'You okay?' he questioned.

'I'm fine Fin, okay.' She replied taking off her sun glasses.

'Okay then.' Fin said while getting back to work.

'Benson wants you in her office.' Amaro informed her. She got up and headed over to Olivia's office. The door was left open so she walked in. Olivia noticed.

'Close the door please.' She told Rollins. Amanda closed the door and walked up to the front of her desk.

'You wanted me?' she asked.

'I need you to go undercover.' Benson said.

'What for?'

'Gambling.' She replied and Amanda didn't say anything for a good couple of minutes.

'I'm not sure if that's a good idea.' She told her.

'We think that you would be the best one to do this undercover mission because you already know the owners of the place, and they don't know that you're a detective and work for NYPD.' Oliva went on saying.

'Your point?'

'We've been getting reports from Murf's the Surf's Pub, you've been there right?'

'Yeah.' Amanda replied not knowing where this was headed.

'People have been saying that prostitutes work there and that they have been doing illegal things so they called in SVU to investigate.' Olivia explained.

'And you want me to do what?'

'For a few nights I want you to go to the Pub and see what's really going on. If we send in somebody else they might think the police is onto them. The owners know you Rollins and as long as they don't know that you're a detective then I think this could work.' She said finishing.

'I don't know, I mean I would love to go undercover…but for gambling? I don't want my addiction to get bad.' Amanda told her.

'Just think about it. You have till the end of tonight to give me a discussion.' Olivia said.

'Okay, I'll let you know then.' Amanda said leaving her office and going back to her desk.

'Doing somethin' for Liv?' Fin asked her as she sat down.

'Yeah, I might be going undercover.' She replied.

'Well, good luck to that.' Fin said. Amanda opened up her desktop on her computer and started searching anything she could find on the Pub.

….

'Is that work related?' Amaro asked her as he stood behind her looking at her computer screen.

'Yeah, kind of.' She told him.

'Okay.' Amaro said. His phone rang and so he answered it.

'Zara, wait slow down. What happened?' Amaro asked.

'Yeah, I'm on my way…Just wait for me to get there. I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm leaving now.' Amaro told his daughter. He hung up.

'Something happened, I gotta go.' Amaro said.

'Everything okay Nick?' Olivia asked her partner.

'Something happened to Zara, I have to go.' He said and then left SVU.

CHAPTER TWO

Amanda had made up her mind, she was going to go undercover. Maybe she could get some money from gambling to pay off that 20k debt she owed. She was on her way to Sergeant Benson's office, when Fin touched her. She stopped and turned to Fin.

'You hear about Amaro?' he asked her.

'No, not since last night. Something about his daughter. That's all I know.' She told him.

'It's been awhile. Maybe I should go to his house and see what's up with him.' Fin suggested.

'Sure, I have to talk to Olivia right now so.' Amanda said.

'Yeah, okay. I'll go to Nick's, you go talk to Olivia about whatever you're going to talk about.' Fin said while heading out to his car. Amanda got to the door and knocked.

'Come in.' she heard Olivia say. Amanda opened the door and walked in.

'I can come back later if you're busy.' She said.

'No, you came here to tell me something, now what was it Rollins?'

'I'll go undercover.' Amanda told her.

'That's great. Can you start tonight?' Olivia asked.

'Tonight? You want me to go to Murf's?' Amanda asked.

'Yes.'

'Yeah, I can go tonight. Didn't know you wanted me to start so soon.' Amanda said.

Later that night. Murf the Surf's Pub.

'Can I get you anything?' the waiter asked her.

'Yeah, I'll have a beer.' She told him. A few minutes later, the waiter came back with a beer for her. She nodded her head saying thanks. Amanda was nearly going to beat on the baseball game that was going on. She wanted to but didn't. She decided to do her job. Tonight she was just observing. Nothing unusual yet. Just a normal night. At least that's what she thought.

'Amanda Rollins.' Said a familiar voiced. She turned her head up and saw Lt. Murphy.

'What do you want?' she asked.

'What are you doing here? Going undercover for Olivia?' he questioned.

'No. Can't a girl just have a drink at a bar?'

'I guess, but I have my eyes on you.' He said walking away with his friends behind him. Amanda went back to her drink. Just observing tonight. She kept reminding herself. She started to see women come in who looked like prostitutes. She watched them go over to a table that had a group of men. One looked like they were starting to do a lap dance on one of the men. The men laughing as usual, encouraging the girls to do it. Then other men took one of the girls (this one looked too young) and went out the back exist. Amanda still had her eyes on them. She sat her drink down and started to closely follow behind them. The guy had her pinned to a wall and was making out with her. She just laughed and laughed.

'The money.' She said. The guy ignored her.

'Give me the money, you promised. I told you I would only do this for the money.' She said quietly.

'Shhhh, girl.' The guy told her felling up and down her body and then covering her mouth.

'You know what? Get away from me. I only do this for the money.' She repeated.

'You'll get your money, after this sweetheart.' The guy said forcefully taking her through the back exist. Amanda followed.

…

'Zara!' Nick shouted as he was walking up to the door of his house. He opened the door and yelled for Zara's name.

'Zara! Where are you?!' he shouted again. Seconds later Zara come running out from the hallway. She ran up to her dad.

'It's mommy, somethings happened to her!' she told him.

…

'There's definitely some prostitution going on in the pub.' Amanda informed Olivia as they were in her office.

'What exactly happened?' Olivia asked her.

'A group of guys were sitting in a circle, then the girls came to them. I followed one of the girls who went with a guy to the back exist. She kept on saying 'give me the money'. He wouldn't give it to her. I also think he may have raped her last night.' Amanda went on saying.

'What makes you say that?'

'The guy well he kept telling her to be quite and you'll get your money after this sweetheart.' Amanda said. She was debating whether or not to tell her that Lt. Murphy was there.

'Anything else while observing last night?' Amanda hesitated for a second and then told Liv.

'I think Lt. Murphy may be doing some undercover work as well there.' She replied.

'What? How do you know that?'

'He came up to me at the bar last night, he thought I was doing undercover work for you, I told him I wasn't and that I just wanted to have a drink.' She explained.

'So he doesn't know anything about you going undercover?'

'No, I don't think so.' Amanda told her.

'Good, go again tonight.'

'You want me to still observe?' she questioned Liv.

'Yes, but if somebody gets raped, then say your police and work for SVU.' She told her.

'Okay, anything else you want me to do?'

'I think that'll be all for now. Have you heard anything about Amaro and his daughter? He left in a rush yesterday?' Olivia asked.

'No, I haven't. But Fin might know something.' Amanda said as she left Olivia's office and went to her desk.

Amanda went back over and sat at her desk, opening up her laptop. She noticed Fin sitting across from her.

'Everything alright with Nick?' she asked.

'Yeah, his ex-wife got attacked. Go thing Zara called him. They're at the hospital. Nick is trying to convince her to do a rape kit.'

'That's good. Who was the attacker?'

'Don't know, somebody with a mask.' Fin informed her. Amanda thought about going down to the hospital to try and comfort Nick but she didn't.

QUEEN MERCY HOSPITAL

Nick was at the hospital, waiting to get a report on Maria. The doctors had told him he wasn't allowed to go into the room. Zara was sitting in the chair next to him.

'Is mom going to be alright?' she asked. Nick looked at his daughter, wanting to tell her everything is going to be fine.

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'I don't know, I wish I did.' He admitted sitting there looking down at the floor.

'Nick Amaro.' He heard the doctor say. Nick got up and walked up to the doctor.

'Your ex-wife was brutally attacked. Nothing that's really serious but we want her in the hospital overnight.' She informed him.

'Can we see her?' he asked. The doctor noticed Zara sitting in the chair behind him. She nodded her head.

'Yes, but not for too long she needs sleep right now.' She replied leaving Nick and Zara to be with Maria.

…

'Rollins anything?' Olivia asked her while walking into the squad room.

'Nothing yet, I'll go to the pub tonight and see what Murphy's doing there.' She replied.

'And Fin?' she asked turning to face him.

'Turns out it was a suicide. The girl killed herself. CSU is still working on the autopsy, I told them to call me when they got new information.' Fin said.

'Good, anybody her from Nick?' she asked both Amanda and Fin.

'He's at the hospital. His ex-wife got attacked last night.' Fin informed her.

'I hope everything is all right.' Olivia told Fin. Fin's desk phone rang and he answered it.

'Detective Tutuola.' He said.

'Alright thank you.' Fin said hanging up.

'CSU has confirmed that it was a suicide, they'll send the information to us within the hour.' Fin told Olivia.

A/N: okay, so this is the first two chapters. And I don't have a lot of time to work on this so I'm posting chapters separately at a time rather than just the due date that I assigned for me to complete. Let me know if you want me to continue on with this story.

Negative Spiral

Author's Note: Yeah, yeah. I know I should be working on Vesuvius, but I couldn't help myself. Rapist Anonymous was way too inspiring. Of course I didn't spend as much time revising and editing this one because of Vesuvius, but it should still be okay.

Olivia had seen the initial indication of Amanda having trouble and distancing herself from the rest of them right after the case with the framed music teacher. At the time she'd been too focused on trying to pull herself back together to really do much about it. With so much on her mind and no further signs of impending blow up, Olivia hadn't thought much about what was going on with Amanda after that. At least she hadn't until their most recent case with Amanda's friend and the twelve step programs. Then everything had suddenly exploded at once. Her arguments, denials, and short temper were neon signs as bright as the seemingly spontaneous flare ups Amanda was having. Once again Olivia hadn't pushed. Amanda wasn't her partner. Besides, the other woman had made it incredibly clear that she didn't want Olivia's help or anyone else's for that matter. It was only later that Olivia had seen all of the warning signs and she'd tried to reach out. After being shot down, brutally as a matter of fact, she'd been done. She had too much to worry about and focus on with herself to try and help Amanda. In order to have a chance to get through to her coworker she needed to be on solid footing to begin with, and she definitely didn't have that. It was hard to be a life preserver for someone else when the waves were washing over and drowning you too.

Later that evening, long after they'd all gone home for the night, Olivia couldn't escape the feeling that was clawing at her gut. Something was wrong. She shouldn't have left the situation with Amanda alone. There was no reason she should think that or assume that Amanda needed someone to catch her immediately, but Olivia still couldn't shake the feeling. It didn't make any sense, but she knew that if she didn't do something to put her fears to rest she would never sleep that night.

Doing that, proving to herself that her gut was wrong, was the reason why she found herself standing outside of Amanda's apartment door. She could feel her unease growing as she stood there even though she still didn't understand why the feeling had cropped up in the first place. Unfortunately knowing she needed to do something didn't make it any easier to do it. Olivia didn't feel remotely strong enough to confront Amanda, yet she still found her hand lifting to the door and knocking. As she waited for Amanda to open the door she kept running reassurances through her head. Everything would be alright; she would confirm that, and then she would head home to get some sleep.

That wasn't the case through, as she soon found out. The moment the door opened Olivia's fears were realized and she hadn't even seen Amanda yet. With the door opened partway the smell of cigarettes easily wafted into the hallway. Olivia had to fight not to panic. There were no lit cigarettes. It was just the smell. She fought down the memories, but it wasn't easy to do. The smaller scent of alcohol that was drifting past wasn't helping either. Instead of lingering on the smells Olivia forced herself to focus on what she was seeing. Apparently her gut had been right. Amanda stood in front of her looking for all the world like she wasn't fully aware of what was going on around her or that she simply didn't care. Her hair was pulled up into what Olivia assumed had once been a half bun or a knot but was now messy and pulled apart. Strands were loose and falling haphazardly around her face which only emphasized the uncaring look in her eyes.

'Great, it's you,' Amanda grumbled blandly before pushing herself off the door frame she'd been resting against and turning away to head back inside. 'What do you want?'

Olivia hadn't been invited in, but the door was still open so she stepped inside anyway. There was no way she could leave Amanda like this even if the other woman wanted to kick her out. As Amanda plodded over to her couch and flopped carelessly onto it Olivia walked further in, her eyes scanning the apartment for clues to what had happened. She plucked two slips of paper off the kitchen counter and glanced at them. Chips purchase tickets from the local casino. Both had amounts that Olivia would never dream of gambling with in one sitting, if ever. The pieces were falling into place. After dropping both onto the counter she turned to look at Amanda. She was sprawled on her back with a pillow propping up her head and her feet resting on the cushion so her knees were bend up. From everything Olivia had seen over their years working together Amanda was always professional. From the way she was acting now that had gone down the drain like everything else. Amanda was a complete mess.

Law And Order

Knowing she had to do something even if she didn't quite know what, Olivia grabbed a chair from the kitchen and dragged it toward the couch. She set the chair down in front of Amanda and sat down.

'Amanda, are you drunk?' Olivia asked gently.

'Do I look drunk?' Amanda drawled in return.

Normally Olivia had no trouble picking out when someone was drunk. She had a lot of experience with it. This time she wasn't so sure though. Yes, she suspected Amanda had been drinking but she didn't think it was to the level of truly being drunk. Her off kilter behavior was probably related to hitting a rather low point on the downward spiral she'd been riding recently. Olivia had heard about what had happened at court that day. There was no way it hadn't affected Amanda and caused her some emotional turmoil.

'Did you gamble tonight?' She pressed again instead of answering Amanda's question.

'So what if I did? Gonna turn me in? Get me fired?'

Her response came off almost tauntingly, and Olivia had to rein in a sign. Amanda's attitude had never been anywhere near that level before. Since she didn't really need an answer to the question (the slips she'd found were answer enough) Olivia continued.

'Why didn't you go to a meeting?' she near pleaded.

'Was goin' to, but then I realized that's what got me into this mess to begin with. So I decided why bother, ya know?' Amanda explained as she lifted her arm and started gesturing to add emphasis to what she was saying.

Olivia reached out and grabbed Amanda's wrist to still her, but Amanda immediately jerked her arm out of Olivia's grasp and rolled upright so she was sitting and glaring at Olivia. Her crystal blue eyes bore into Olivia like icicles honed to a deadly point.

'Don't touch me! I don't want your help. I don't need your help. Go take care of someone else.'

'Amanda…'

'Don't start with me! Leave me the hell alone, Liv. I can handle myself.'

'Look at yourself, Amanda! You're on a deep negative spiral. You have to see that.'

'I'm fine,' Amanda snapped.

'Stop kidding yourself. You smell like a bar. You've been gambling again. You're snapping at your friends.'

'Because y'all are buttin' into places you don't belong.'

Olivia sighed but refused to give up. She had to hope that part of Amanda realized she was in trouble.

'They're worried about you. I'm worried about you. I know what a downward spiral looks like. What one feels like. I've seen too many of them. The last few months I've dealt with a lot of my own, so I know. I'm watching you fall down that same hole.'

That she was absolutely sure of. Olivia really didn't want to watch Amanda continue falling.

'Y'all are just payin' so much attention, aren't you? It's none of your fuckin' business.'

'That's what we do, Amanda. This unit has always been that way. We look out for each other at an extreme level almost all the time. An almost annoying one. We spend so much time together that there's no way not to get involved in each other's personal lives. At one point my old partner even turned up at my boyfriend's workplace to threaten him into talking to the department so I wouldn't lose my badge. Unfortunately that's pretty normal fare for all of us at SVU. There's only so much space between us, only so many secrets.'

'Yeah, well, it sucks.'

'It does,' Olivia agreed.

Olivia's agreement was all Amanda needed let down the barricades she'd erected. The tension in Amanda's shoulders eased and her aggressive, confrontational posture faded. Amanda seemed to droop before Olivia's eyes. She dropped her elbows onto her thighs and folded in on herself before clasping her hands behind her neck. The pain she'd been keeping locked up inside was finally. Olivia actually preferred it that way. It meant that Amanda was starting to accept that she was hurting and maybe now she could start turning around with a little support.

'Talk to me, Amanda. I don't want to tell you what to do or dictate your life in any way. I don't know if I can even do anything to help, but I do know I can listen.'

There was a long moment of silence before Amanda finally spoke up, her eyes still locked on her knees. Her voice started out strong but quickly wound up nearly choking out the words.

'Everythin's fallin' apart. It all started when you…'

Amanda didn't finish the sentence, but she didn't need to. There was only one way to finish that particular sentence. Olivia had to close her eyes and forcibly slow her breathing to stay in control. It was hard. The memories threatened to flood back and pain slashed through her, but she managed to hold it all back. She wasn't the only one struggling with the reminder. The stress had gotten to Amanda too, and tears were rolling down her face.

When she continued explaining she was still crying and trying to get the words out.

'And it keeps crumblin' more 'n' more. I just… I don't know what to do.'

Olivia felt for Amanda and she could see how much trouble Amanda was having. Pushing herself out of her chair Olivia sat down on the couch beside her coworker and gently rubbed her back. Amanda's crying had turned into full on sobbing.

'Just let it out, Amanda,' Olivia soothed.

The next thing she knew Amanda had turned and wrapped her arms around Olivia. Her tears immediately soaked into Olivia's shirt, but Olivia didn't mind. She simply held Amanda and continued to rub her back. Amanda was all alone, and Olivia knew what that felt like. She'd lived the same life for so many years. With that experience she wanted to make Amanda feel a little less alone in any way that she could.

Open boxes to pick up cash prizes or even one of 8 extra features.

'Shh. It's going to be okay.'

Amanda only hiccupped and gripped tighter onto the back of Olivia's shirt. Olivia could feel Amanda's body shaking and continued to hold her and speak softly to help calm her down a little bit.

'Right now we may only be able to put the pieces back together with tape,' Olivia told her, 'but eventually it'll be glue and then something even stronger. If you trust anyone on that, trust me. I haven't gotten too far yet and I'm running out of tape so sometimes I feel like the pieces are only held together by bubblegum, but at least I'm heading in the right direction. You will figure it out too. One piece at a time.'

Mariska Hargitay

They both would. Slowly. One tiny little piece at a time.